Thoughts of the Past
by Valinor Sunset
Summary: What might Gandalf have been thinking about when he was sailing away to the Undying Lands?


Gandalf leaned on the rail of the ship. The ship that was carrying him across the sea to Valinor, or the Undying Lands. He looked down and watched the waves splash on the sides of the ship. Then he looked up at the land behind them that was rapidly disappearing. He then thought of all the memories that he was leaving behind. He remembered the time when he had first met Bilbo Baggins. He smiled. Bilbo had invited him over for tea on Wednesday. And that Wednesday was the day that Bilbo's first adventure had been planned. Then Gandalf remembered the day he had visited the Shire for Bilbo's 111th birthday party.

He sighed. That seemed like to long ago.

That was when Frodo and Sam and Merry and Pippin had been enjoying life. He remembered watching them dancing, eating, drinking, and playing. But now… their lives were changed. Gandalf suddenly felt an ache in his throat. He then thought of the council of Elrond that had been held in Rivendell. That was when the Fellowship of the Ring had been established. No one knew what kind of adventure they were all in for. Gandalf blinked. That was quite an adventure. Then other memories and flashbacks came to his mind. He looked up and saw Middle Earth… for a second. Then it disappeared completely. "It's gone…" he whispered. The ache in his throat grew stronger, and after a minute he felt tears coming to his eyes. He thought of everything that he had left behind. "Three hundred lives of men I walked there… and now I am leaving it all. Forever."

Just then Frodo walked out onto the deck. A tear rolled down from Gandalf's left eye and he tried to wipe it away, but Frodo saw it. He walked over to him and said

"What's wrong? What's the matter?" Gandalf shook his head and turned away.

"It's nothing, Frodo… nothing at all."

Then he walked away to find solitude. He found it in an area that was illuminated by the fiery rays of the setting sun. He sat down on a chair and put his head in his hands. Then he wept silently. Thoughts were tumbling into his mind. Bilbo…Thorin… the ring… Frodo… Samwise… Aragorn… Gimli… Legolas… Faramir… Denethor… names and thoughts kept on coming to mind.

He thought of Pippin, the young 'Fool of a Took'. He was not that anymore. He had grown responsible, and he had even Gandalf from death once by killing an orc that was unseen by him.

Then he thought of Merry, Pippin's lifelong friend. He hated to separate the two, but that seemed to have an effect on Pippin that brought him to see that life wasn't easy and that there was more to it than eating and drinking.

He then thought of Saruman.

This brought great grief to him, for Saruman should have been there, sailing on that ship to the Undying Lands.

But he was not there. Gandalf thought of the times when he and Saruman would walk in the gardens of Isengard and speak together as friends. Then he remembered that one time when they had walked together. That was their last time in the gardens of Isengard. Saruman then betrayed Middle Earth and joined forces with Sauron.

That day had been one of Gandalf's darker days.

He and Saruman had once been close friends… but now Saruman was dead. His death was caused by one of his own victims who had once been a man of Rohan. But now… Saruman was dead. Tears rolled down Gandalf's face as he thought of it. Saruman should have been there… but he was not. He then thought of Frodo. He had taken upon himself the greatest task every to be done by a Hobbit and he had completed it. Now… he was sailing to the Undying Lands to the rest that he deserved. Just then he heard his name called.

"Gandalf!"

It was Frodo. The Hobbit then walked into the place where Gandalf was. "Gandalf? What's the matter? And don't say it's nothing." Gandalf motioned for Frodo to sit next to him. He took his small Hobbit sized hand in his own large one and smiled at Frodo through his tears.

"It's everything, Frodo. Everything and everyone that I'm leaving behind."


End file.
